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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26432530">Unavoidable Risk</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixxdaysofmylife/pseuds/sixxdaysofmylife'>sixxdaysofmylife</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Apocalypse, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Blood Loss, Blood and Injury, Confused Luther Hargreeves, Five is baby, Flashbacks, Gardens &amp; Gardening, Ghost Ben Hargreeves, Good Sibling Diego Hargreeves, Klaus loves his garden, Number Five | The Boy Deserves Better, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Number Five | The Boy Whump, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Protective Klaus Hargreeves, Self-Harm, Sharing Clothes, Suicide Attempt, honestly Diego is so soft in this, so does Diego</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:02:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,162</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26432530</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixxdaysofmylife/pseuds/sixxdaysofmylife</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the corner of the courtyard, the Hargreeves work to improve a secret garden.<br/>Something about the brambles sends Five spiralling.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Number Five | The Boy &amp; Diego Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy &amp; Klaus Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy) &amp; Everyone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>329</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Secret Garden</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi there! this is my first proper work in this fandom but i've been reading fics for so long so i decided i should do something. As with all of my fics, expect lots of angst and sad shit (sorry lol)<br/>Not sure how often i will be updating yet but obviously it would be lovely to hear what y'all think so comments are always appreciated xx</p><p>(Also please stay safe and heed the tags, chapters with really bad stuff will have triggers but not all mentions of potentially triggering topics will be there x)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A week after they all arrived back in 2019, Diego and Klaus decide to look after the overgrown academy garden, it was therapeutic, but also gave them something else to focus for a while; they had left lives behind in the 60s, and people.</p>
<p>It wasn’t by any means a big garden, it was walled off in the corner of the courtyard. It only really contained a few flower beds, an apple tree and a shit tonne of brambles. The latter of which, neither Diego or Klaus wanted to deal with, they considered who in the family would enjoy ripping spiky, invasive weeds out of the ground, and deduced that if anyone needed to get some frustration out of their system, it was Five.</p>
<p>Since they had returned, Five had been more agitated than usual, refusing to believe they had actually succeeded in stopping the apocalypse. He seemed to think every weird or “suspicious” thing that happened to them was a sign that he was still being hunted by the Commission, and being a weird and suspicious family themselves, it wasn’t rare.</p>
<p>Klaus pulled the short straw with Diego and was shooed up to the third floor where Five’s bedroom was, it was nearly lunchtime so Klaus was pretty sure the boy would be awake, but when he swung the door open and pranced in to entice his brother, he was surprised to find said brother still curled up in his duvet, fast asleep. He would never admit it but Five was kind of adorable in his sleep, his usually scowling face actually relaxed.</p>
<p>Considering the chances Five might stab him if Klaus tried to wake him up, he decided to leave a note on the boy’s bedside table asking him to come help out in the garden when he wakes up, and then leaves, not before taking one last peek at his brother looking peaceful for once.</p>
<p>Klaus lets Diego know that they might see Five for a few hours before kneeling back down with a trowel and flower bulbs, continuing to plant them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As predicted, a few hours pass before they see Number Five. He appears in a blue flash, bleary eyed and tightens his tie as if he had jumped whilst finishing getting dressed. They really needed to take the boy shopping soon, all he owned were those academy uniforms and they all remembered how uncomfortable they were as kids.</p>
<p>“Hey Fivey!” Klaus waves over to him, taking off his gardening gloves and brushing dirt off his knees before walking up to chat with his brother. Diego did the same but dug out a pair of smaller gloves for Five to wear before going over to them.</p>
<p>“You wanted me for something?” Five questioned, waving the note Klaus had written in front of him, his slightly scratchy throat indicated that he really had just woken up. A quick stifled yawn didn’t help his cause.</p>
<p>“Late night?” Klaus teased, earning a glare from the boy. “Okay, anyway, I asked you to come down because Diego and I thought you might wanna help us with this overgrown wall?” He threw Five a cheeky grin to hopefully not anger him. Though Five didn’t really have the expected reaction and just shrugged a little, in thought.</p>
<p>“Yeah, fine.” Five nodded, Diego passed him the smaller pair of gloves and cringed a little, hoping it wasn’t a step too far, he only received a small glare which was a win in his mind.</p>
<p>“It’s pretty cathartic really, just up your street.” Diego quipped, Five only rolled his eyes and approached the hardly visible brick wall, absolutely covered in brambles and ivy, after deeply sighing, he started to rip the spikey tendrils down.</p>
<p>Klaus seemed happy with this, so both he and Diego went back to their respective bulb planting and weed pulling jobs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Five hadn’t slept well the night before, in fact he’d only really made it into a state of unconsciousness as the sun started coming up and illuminating all of the dark parts of his room that he just couldn’t pull his eyes away from.</p>
<p>He had woken up briefly after Klaus had pranced into his room but quickly drifted back into deep sleep, dreaming of thing but burning wastelands. Seeing the note on his bedside table did bring a rare smile to Five’s face, the idea of spending normal, quality time with a siblings, doing something so domestic as gardening would have seemed frivolous to Five of the past, but, as he reminded himself,</p>
<p>
  <em>All of that is in the past now. It’s over. </em>
</p>
<p>There was no one to say he couldn’t spend an afternoon pottering about the garden, he was an old man after all, that’s what old men do. Although, deep down there was a part of him screaming that he couldn’t waste time when he never knew what the next threat might be. He resolved to garden but stay on high alert.</p>
<p>Quickly after Five had arrived at the little hidden garden, he realised that when Diego and Klaus said they wanted his help to clear the wall, they had actually wanted him to do it on his own. He had amusuingly sighed at that, it wasn’t enough to kick up a fuss over; besides he was actually not hating clearing all the plants.</p>
<p>They were prickly and tough, putting up quite a good fight, but the more he cleared it became kind of calming in a weird, garden destruction kind of way. That was until he took off his blazer because he was too warm.</p>
<p>Five hadn’t really considered that maybe uncovered arms when he was plunging them into bushes full of huge thorns might not be the best of ideas, and it was fine for the first couple of times he did, then he went to do exactly that on a slightly more dense area of the plant and his arm got tangled up in the bush.</p>
<p>“Fuck.” He cussed under his breath, not feeling like making a scene in front of his siblings. Five jerked his arm towards himself as quick as possible but felt each and every thorn in the bush dig into his skin and then rip away, leaving a plethora of cuts all over his forearm.</p>
<p>It was disgustingly familiar, Five nearly gagged at the memory as clouds of imaginary smoke seemed to assault his sense of smell and vision. He was back. He was <em>back.</em></p>
<p>The wall of vines before him became a barren wasteland and the only colour he could see was the ruby red blood beginning to drip down his arm.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Land of the Living</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Warning for thoughts of self-harm, semi graphic descriptions of injuries and also sharp objects.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Back with another chapter, bit of a short one but hopefully the next few will go into things a bit more! Heed the warnings because shit gets dark in this one, stay safe. x</p><p>Also thank you for the love on chapter 1, was totally not expecting that!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had hardly been half-an-hour before Diego had heard some weird noises from over where Five was working, the boy seemed to be cursing to himself, crouched down in the lower areas of the bush. At first he really didn’t think much about it, not until Klaus seemed to have noticed too and turned to him with eyebrows raised, Five was now curled in on himself, leaning against the hedge full of brambles.</p><p>He wasn’t so much muttering as he was heaving for breath, Diego warned Klaus not to get too close to their little brother as the ex-assassin wouldn’t take kindly to being startled. To get a better look at his brother, who was now curled tightly in a ball and rocking back and forth slightly, Diego climbed around the bush cuttings and sat himself right in front of Five, he noticed that the boys eye’s seemed far away, looking through Diego as if he was a window. Finding nothing to explain Five’s current condition on his face, Diego gave the boys a look over and quickly noticed the wide selection of fresh scratches and cuts on his forearms.</p><p>“Shit.” Diego cursed, gesturing Klaus towards the bloody arms of their brother.</p><p>“Damn, that’s brutal, pretty much why I didn’t want to cut the brambles down myself.” Klaus sighed, eyeing the boy with greater concern as the continued in his dissociative behaviour. “We should try and get him out of this state, it’s probably PTSD, saw it all the time in ‘nam.”</p><p>Diego agreed, slowly leaning closer to grasp Five’s gloved hands, bringing them towards him, he squeezed the boy’s hands gently and called out his name, an attempt at engaging some of his senses back to reality from wherever his mind had gone.</p><p>“Five?” Diego spoke slightly louder, and for the first time Five had some sort of reaction, the boy’s eyes flickered around his face, trying hard to make sense of where he was. “Hey dude, you back with us?”</p><p>There was silence, though something in the boy’s face changed, he seemed to recognise Diego and turned to look at Klaus beside him. Five was certainly still confused and shaken but he was no longer stuck in his own head.</p><p>“Hi there Five-o, you alright?” Klaus asked, beaming a smile at the tiny assassin.</p><p>Five looked down at his arms, remembering what had started it all, if it hadn’t been for the tightened grip of Diego’s hands, he may have slipped back <em>there</em> again. It hit him how much his brothers had just seen and cringed to himself. He couldn’t be here anymore.</p><p>“I’m fine.” Five shook off Diego’s hands and grabbed his blazer, quickly covering up his wounded arms. He could see his brother’s brows furrow and mouths open to ask more questions, so wasted no time jumping away from the whole conversation and landing in his bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>He hadn’t thought about that particular apocalypse moment for perhaps 20 years, it was in the very early days when he still fit in his uniform, as ripped apart as it had become.</p><p>
  <em>Five started the day early, changing into a thick jacket, he had propped up Dolores in her pull-along cart and set off into the city to find anything, or anyone; in those days, Five had some resemblance of hope that there was someone out there. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He had come across a mess of barbed wire in front of a somewhat still salvageable convenience store, it was tangled and thick, in amongst this spiked wire was razor wire, however Five hadn’t known that until he had reached inside the bundle to yank it away from the store’s door. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The pain was almost instantaneous and he yelped, recoiling his arm and hissing as he assessed the damage. Most of his hand was pretty untouched but his forearm was a mess of blood and fairly deep cuts. In the apocalypse, an open wound was pretty much a VIP invitation to illness, infection, disease or even death in more serious cases. Five didn’t hang about long before he was rushing to get the wounds clean and wrapped up, he was coming to the store to stock up on more medical supplies anyway, so hopefully he could replace what he had used. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was a part of him that didn’t want to think about the concerning conclusion that in the corner of his mind, the pain and glisten of his own blood somewhat comforted him. It told him he was still real, still alive and still able to feel. His mind wandered deep away as he plucked a razor out of the bundle of spikes and blades, pocketing it with a strange thrill in his heart. Deep down he knew it was really not a good sign, though considering the destruction Five was living in, he found it hard to care in a weird way. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Five would find the blade in his pocket a few days later, almost having forgotten he’d even picked it up in the first place. It hadn’t been a good day, too many bodies, too little clean air, no food or water, only dry sobs and tearless eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That was the first time he would think about digging it into his arm, but not the first time he would.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Five had sat against his bed’s headboard and bowed his head to his chest, deep in thought. It could have been minutes or hours but the boy couldn’t be sure of either, the only thing he was very aware of was the pounding in his ears as his heartbeat quickened.</p><p>The urge to look at his arms again had become too much and he gave in, pulling back blazer sleeves to reveal the mess of dried blood and raised skin. Cleaning himself was a ritual like routine for Five, but there was an ache in his chest telling him to stay and stare down at the mess he had created. It had been <em>him </em>pulling his arm out of a place <em>he</em> had got it stuck.</p><p>He did this to himself.</p><p>He wanted to do this to himself again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Missing Scars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi there, please be careful with this chapter, major trigger warnings for self-harm and a past suicide attempt.<br/>Also I just landed my first proper job so if updates are a little slow that will be why :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Diego and Klaus stared into the space that occupied their brother moments before, they collectively sighed.</p><p>“What the hell do we do now?” Klaus asked, biting at his lip with concern. There wasn’t much to be done, Five was impossible to talk to in normal circumstances, there was no way he’d open up to either of them.</p><p>“Hell if I know.” Diego brushed a hand over his face, wiping away a few beads of sweat that had accumulated in the summer heat, “We’ll keep an eye on him, for now anyway.”</p><p>Klaus nodded, it was a start. Seeing Five in a clearly traumatised state reminded Klaus of himself not long after getting back from ‘Nam, those glazed over eyes and shaky hands; all too familiar. He couldn’t bare to see the boy like that.</p><p>They didn’t see Five for the rest of the day, not that they had expected to, their littlest brother usually spent most of his time holed up in his room, not coming out for anything; no food, water or socialisation. No surprise considering how long he’d been without all three in the apocalypse. Diego had considered going up to the boy’s room and checking on him, he decided against it, Five needed time to lick his wounds before he would be able to face confrontation, otherwise it would sure as hell end in disaster.</p><p>By dinner time, with still no sign of Five, Diego couldn’t help but feel worry crawl into his chest. Thinking over the situation again, it had most certainly been the scratches on the boy’s arms that had sent him over the edge. Whatever that meant, he knew it couldn’t be good.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Five was not in a fit state to face anyone.</p><p>Although the general urge to slice his body into nothingness had somewhat faded, an itch under his skin was just becoming more intense.</p><p>His body in the apocalypse had been covered in scars, some by his own hand, some by accident and some that he hadn’t thought he’d survive. His young, clear skin looked all kinds of wrong, he thought, the itchiness once again increasing.</p><p>Five traced a finger down his forearm, over the bumps of raised skin where the brambles had caught him, once there was a scar there, following all the way down his brachial artery until his inner elbow. It had been the first time he’d completely lost the will to live, before he could even consider the math of getting back to 2002, he couldn’t face one more day of choking on ash and feeling a hunger like he’d never experienced. So he’d taken that little piece of razor wire and raked it down his arm, watching with terror and intrigue as his blood rushed out of him.</p><p>A variety of tiny voices in his brain had screamed out, sounding weirdly like his siblings. He had panicked before it was too late and stitched up the wound. The next few days for Five had been hazy, blood loss and starvation nearly took him, even if he had decided to try living again.</p><p>After the reminder of one of his darkest moments, Five shook his head, pinching between his brows and willing the tears not to come, unsuccessfully. Without even being aware of his own actions, the boy had started to rake his finger nails up and down his arms, agitating the wounds that had started to scab.</p><p>Little beads of blood and skin ended up under his nails, Five gagged a little, the last time he had blood under his nails he had just murdered the board of directors, for nothing. His hand’s shook hard, everything in the room was suffocating him. He needed it to stop.</p><p>Five knew that under his pillow was a selection of weapons, kept for self-defence or to threaten anyone getting in his way. He slid a shaking hand under the pillow and retrieved a small paring knife, stolen from the kitchen. He ran a thumb over the blade, not flinching as it made a small cut.</p><p>The boy took a long and deep breath, considering the dire implications of what he was about to do. After all he had done, after all those he had killed, after watching his family die three times because he wasn’t good enough to save them; Five couldn’t find a good reason of why he didn’t deserve pain.</p><p>His hand wielding the knife was still shaking, though as soon as he placed it against his forearm he seemed to find tranquillity.</p><p><em>If Delores could see me now</em>, he thought to himself before embedding the knife into his skin and slicing once, twice, and then just breaking down.</p><p>The knife clattered to the floor and little droplets of blood fell alongside it, Five crumpled to the floor, sobbing into his palms. His own blood mixing with his tears creating a mess on his face.</p><p>After a while, sobs turned into whimpers and whimpers turned into heavy breaths. Five was clinging onto consciousness as blood seemed to keep spilling out of his wrists, he tried to apply pressure but his blood made everything slippery, Five could feel his own grip weakening.</p><p>Darkness took over.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>The next morning, Diego woke up in a sweat, the worry from the night before had become a pit of dread; something felt off. He quickly dressed himself and equipped his vest of knives, even with his life of fighting crime in the past, it was an old habit, somewhat of a safety net.</p><p>He rubbed sleep out of his eyes and headed downstairs hoping to find his siblings safe and well, to his surprise, all but one were there at the dining table having breakfast. The missing sibling was of course Five.</p><p><em>Shit</em>.</p><p>“Hey guys.” Diego greeted his family, eyes going to the coffee maker where a half empty pot of coffee was steaming, “Any sign of Five today?” He looked around the room with hopeful eyes, only to be met with a collective ‘no’ from his family.</p><p>“Why, what’s up with him?” Vanya asked, confused, looking to Allison to see if she seemed to know, said sister looked just as puzzled.</p><p>“He-”, Diego paused for a moment, he didn’t actually know what was wrong with Five and he didn’t want to prematurely concern them, “Ah don’t worry, just needed to run something past the old man. Klaus can you come with me for a minute?”</p><p>Klaus nodded, his chair scraping behind him. He followed closely behind Diego as they convened in the hallway.</p><p>“I’m worried.” Diego stated, flat out.</p><p>“Yeah, me too, I heard noises coming from his room last night but Ben told me to leave him alone.” Klaus explained, throwing a scowling glance to his side where Diego presumed Ben was standing, he smiled at the empty space, wishing he could talk more with his deceased brother.</p><p>“I’m gonna check it out, you coming?” Diego asked, starting to jog up the staircase towards the third floor of the building. Klaus wasn’t far behind, bickering with his ghost counterpart.</p><p>Once outside the boy’s door, Diego mentally prepared himself to be yelled at or have something thrown at him. He knocked once and heard no reply, in fact he heard nothing at all.</p><p>“I’m coming in!” He called out, heartbeat in his ears.</p><p>Nothing could have prepared them for the sight the door opened to.</p><p>“What. The. Fuck.”  </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. This is Gonna Hurt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Heya, not too much bad stuff in this chapter, although there is description of blood, wounds and self-harm in slight detail so be careful if that's likely to upset you.</p><p>Also once again thank you all for the comments, hearing that people want more chapters and are engaging with the story is really nice!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Diego had never been grossed out by blood, he saw it on a regular basis, usually the reason it was spilling out of other people. No, he didn’t mind blood at all, it was just human anatomy.</p><p><em>This</em> however, was more than just blood.</p><p>This was Five unconscious from blood loss, gaunt and paler than a person should ever be. A knife beside his crumpled form on the floor.</p><p>Neither he nor Klaus spoke for a few minutes after the initial shock of their discovery, working in tense silence to make sure their brother wasn’t dead.</p><p>Which to their luck, he wasn’t.</p><p>“Klaus can you take his legs, we need to take him up to the infirmary.” Diego said, breaking the silence that had been hanging over them. Klaus did as he was asked, lifting Five was not a difficult task, <em>concerning</em>, Klaus thought, though he was more occupied with concern for the present situation.</p><p>Klaus made a mental note for later.</p><p>Diego’s grip on Five tightened when he noticed a quiver behind the boy’s eyes, indicating he was definitely still with them. It filled him with relief, though he wasn’t sure if he had quite managed to process what was happening yet.</p><p>Once they had reached the infirmary, Diego sent Klaus to retrieve their other siblings, although they had wanted to give Five some privacy, this was far too serious to keep from them.</p><p>Alone with the boy, Diego finally let the last few minutes wash over him, collapsing into the chair beside the operating table. He worked quickly to clean the wounds and wrap them, but tears seemed to obscure his vision from time to time. When everything was secure on the boy’s arms, Diego wiped Five’s face of blood smears, breaking his heart once more.</p><p>He had thought there was a slim chance that Five’s incident in the garden the previous day was anything to do with self-harm, though on further consideration it should’ve been obvious. His brother’s complete lack of self-regard, constant dire to pick fights and generally recklessness filled Diego’s brain.</p><p><em>How could I have missed this? </em>He thought to himself with frustration.</p><p>By now Diego could hear the worried chatter of his siblings approaching the infirmary, he pulled himself together slightly to deal with the incoming emotions of his siblings.</p><p>“Diego what the hell is going on?” Allison questioned, quickly realising that Five was very much so unconscious and not in a great state. In order to clean everything up, Diego had taken off the boy’s shirt and vest, leaving a plain white vest and little to cover the fact that he looked like he had taken one hell of a beating. Not to mention the fact he was basically just skin and bones.</p><p>“Oh my god, did he..?” Vanya gasped, looking to Diego with a look in her eyes that finished her question, he nodded slowly, pulling the knife that Five had used on himself out of his pocket and gently placing it on the tray of medical tools beside him.</p><p>“Jesus.” Allison sighed, eyes fixed on the knife with horror, she looked back to her brother and nearly broke into a sob. He looked so damn <em>young</em>, she knew he’d kill her if she ever told him that, but it was impossible to ignore, he was physically barely a teenager. She knew he was an older man when she could see his eyes, full of exhaustion and wisdom; now though, his eyes remained shut, at least until he awakens.</p><p><em>If he does</em>.</p><p>“I don’t think we’ll need to give blood, but if we do I’m willing to.” Diego stated, “He seemed to have been lying like this in his room for a few hours at least, he blood was mostly dried. He’s still got a heartbeat, if a little weak.”</p><p>“I just can’t understand why he would do something like that to himself.” Luther chimed in, having spent the least amount of time with their little brother, he was unware of the smaller signs that just seemed to make the situation a little less confusing.</p><p>“Yesterday he got kinda scratched up gardening with me and Diego, had some sort of flashback or something,” Klaus explained, sadness etched across his face, “I think maybe something like that happened in the apocalypse because it looked like PTSD. We did try to talk to him about it, but you know Five, anything gets too focused on him and he jumps away like there’s no tomorrow.”</p><p>The all nodded, the boy couldn’t take confrontation, especially if it had anything to do with his mental or physical wellbeing.</p><p>Just then, they noticed movement coming from Five.</p><p>“Must have known we were talking about him!” Klaus somewhat joked, though his smile didn’t reach his eyes.</p><p>The boy jerked up, furiously blinking his eyes to clear his vision. His face seemed to pale even more when he realised where he was and who was staring at him with a mix of sadness and fear. He sighed deeply, feeling a pain in his chest as he did so.</p><p><em>I am so fucking stupid</em>, he cursed to himself, he was like a deer caught in the headlights as his family waited for him to say something, to say <em>anything </em>really. He coughed, bringing his hands up to his face, quickly noticing the bandaged up wrists and his fairly naked top half.</p><p>“Five?” Diego called out to him, the boy was more or less hiding behind his hands, he had never seen his brother so vulnerable before; it was almost scary. He gently placed his own hands on top of his brother’s and removed his smaller palms from his face. “We just want to help you bro, none of us are going to judge you, and we’ve all had some pretty extravagant rock-bottoms ourselves.” Diego gestured around, looking into his siblings faces with a pleading look, asking for their support</p><p>They got his message and moved in a little closer, nodding along with what their brother had explained.</p><p>“Yeah dude, we just wanna things easier for you to deal with, you’ve barely stopped since the falling out of the sky, two apocalypses to stop, back to back, you’ve done so damn well. This is just a little bump in the road.” Klaus offered his support, feeling a little worried of saying the wrong thing, even being injured and weak, Five was still Five and wasn’t afraid to bite anyone’s head off for frustrating him.</p><p>The other three chimed in too, though Five himself seemed to be fading back into unconsciousness, probably for the best. He had lost so much blood it was a surprise he was able to function at all.</p><p>“You rest dude, this can wait for later.” Diego told the boy, grabbing a blanket from a counter behind him, one of us will be here when you wake up.</p><p>“Okay,” Five croaked, nodding glumly, “I’m sorry.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Honesty in the Infirmary</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Some semi graphic descriptions of self harm and blood but most just comfort and family fluff tbh.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Diego has turned into such a softie in this but idk I just love Five and Diego being super close as brothers, it warms my heart!</p><p>Also thank you for the comments and bookmarks, I'm sorry this chapter is late but I just started a full time job so I've just been a bit stressed with that!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The infirmary was cold, Five noticed that particularly as he woke up with little clothing on, beside him on a chair was Diego, fast asleep and slouched over. The boy hadn't been conscious for most of the day, the little wall clock next to the door told him it was quarter past 5; after weeks on end without sleep, his body had really needed the rest.</p><p>Not to mention the severe blood loss he had caused himself the previous night, that was something else entirely. Five couldn't decide whether he had meant to do so much damage or not, though either way, the fact that all of his siblings now knew about his self-destructive behaviour, the severity of the situation was about as high as it could be.</p><p>He sighed, still honestly feeling awful. There was an ache deep down in his chest that wouldn't go away, it pulled at his heart and brought an underlying wave of nausea if he thought about it too hard. Five noticed Diego was starting to stir and mentally prepared himself for the barrage of questions and pity that he was about to receive.</p><p>"Hey bro." Diego greeted him, rubbing sleep out of his eyes, Five noticed his line of sight went straight to his bandaged wrists. "How are you feeling?"</p><p>"I'm fine, Diego." Five shook his head, wishing his siblings would drop it. </p><p>Yes, he had fucked up, but it wasn't like he was going to die or anything, if he actually wanted to then he would've put more effort into wounding himself. </p><p>"Bullshit." Diego scowled, "You purposely carved your arm up, how in any way are you 'fine'." He shook his head with exasperation, Five was the most closed off of all the Hargreeves, without a doubt. The boy could teleport himself away at any moment, though Diego noticed he was still very much there in front of him which had to mean something.</p><p>Five was looking down in what seemed like an attempt to avoid Diego's own solemn expression.</p><p>"Look, I get it okay, it's hard to talk about this sort of shit, but I'm not judging you, no one in this house is judging you. We just want to help you get to a place where you don't want to do.. that." Diego gestured to Five's arms.</p><p>Nodding in response, the boy actually looked into Diego's face, he was clearly weighing up his options. He swore that Five's fists began to come together like he was going to jump, though the boy remained.</p><p>"Okay." Five eventually said, with a laboured sigh. He positioned himself so he was sitting cross legged across from his brother, the eye contact had broken but Diego was more concerned with just listening.</p><p>There we're a few moments of silence again, tension in the room thick enough to cut.</p><p>"The apocalypse really fucked me up, in the early days I tried to cope like a normal person but then I got my arm caught razor wire and realised that the pain made things feel more real and grounded." Five paused, looking pained as he spoke. "I took a piece back with me to where I had set up camp, and when the nights seemed too dark and the bodies got too awful to be around, I would.. y'know..." He made a slicing motion against his arm, jolting the wounds, he winced. "Anyway, getting my arm stuck in that hedge brought back some memories, I guess I haven't really accepted that we've stopped the apocalypse, not really sure how to exist without it."</p><p>The boy was slumped by the end of his rant, his breathing shaky, uneven. Diego decided to sit beside Five on the bed, not close enough to invade his personal space, but show he was there if his brother needed him.</p><p>"You've had a rough time of it Five, I won't lie, all you've known since you were a kid was survival and loneliness, that would fuck anyone up!" Diego said, cursing the world for letting so much shit happen to someone for so damn long. "You aren't there anymore though, and as these weeks are passing, the chances of it happening again are lower, you do the calculations often enough to know that. It's going to take a while to fully accept that, and I know it's going to take even longer to feel like you can live life like everybody else, but none of that has to involve you harming yourself. I'm with you every step of the way." Diego placed a firm, supportive hand on Five's shoulder, the boy leaned into it so hard he nearly fell onto his brother.</p><p>"Sorry, I- thank you-" Five choked, grasping to get closer to Diego and warm himself around him, his brain had been screaming out to allow himself what he really needed; the support of the people he loved.</p><p>Diego embraced his brother, holding onto the boy's head as he sobbed into his chest, they stayed like that for a while, no words were spoken because they didn't need to be.</p><p>When Five did pull away, his cheeks were flushed and wet with tears, though now he was faintly smiling at Diego; a sight so rare that he was almost worried.<br/>No, this was a genuine smile, warm and thankful.</p><p>"You'll be alright, Five." Hummed Diego, "Do you feel up to walking, I feel like you should probably eat something." It had been on his mind, Klaus had mentioned how skinny the boy was and he had been in agreement. It was no surprise considering his less than balanced diet in the apocalypse, though now Five had explained to him that letting that lifestyle go was hard, he understood a little more.</p><p>"I don't know." Five mumbled, in his defence he was completely worn out, still weak from his injuries. "I can try.."</p><p>It was a win as far as Diego was concerned, he jumped down off the bed and offered Five his forearm to hold onto as they slowed exited the infirmary. </p><p>The boy stumbled from time to time, and had to take it slower still when they were going down the many staircases their house possessed, however they reached the kitchen relatively quickly.</p><p>What neither of them had been expecting to find was the rest of the Hargreeves family sat around the kitchen table arguing and trying to discuss what could be going on with their brother. Upon Diego and Five's entrance, they hushed into silence, all eyes trained on the boy and his arms, once again.</p><p>"Five!" Allison spoke first, her eyes warm but the concern in her voice dominated her emotions, "How are you, bud?" </p><p>The boy wasn't ready to have that conversation again, he tugged at Diego's wrist, not really knowing how else to convey his increasing uncomfortable state.</p><p>"He's fine, can you guys maybe take it to the living room, I'll come through in a minute." Diego spoke in a tone explaining that Five needed space, the remainder of the siblings took the hint and made themselves scarce. All giving the boy a sympathetic look before leaving.</p><p>"Now, what do you want to eat?" Diego asked, his brother now sat at the table looking small in the white robe he had put on in the infirmary.</p><p>Five didn't respond, truthfully not knowing the answer, he felt uneasy inside and not sure that if he would be able to keep anything down. Instead he opted to shake his head and place his plams over his face.</p><p>Sighing, Diego went about making a peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich, if Five didn't want anything, at least that would be there in case he did get hungry later.</p><p>"You know they are gonna be just like me about all of this, right?" Diego asked whilst spreading peanut butter onto a slice of only slightly stale bread. "We all just want to help you, bro."</p><p>Five lifted his head and nodded, still looking exhausted. He wasn't speaking again, though when he seemed like he could fall asleep at any moment, Diego gave it a pass.</p><p>When little snores came from the table, he wrapped up the sandwich and placed it in the fridge, then approached his brother, lifting him into his arms with ease. </p><p>If Five needed sleep, he most certainly deserved it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Trust and how to not break it</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Mostly just a classic Hargreeves discussion so I wouldn't say anything here could be too triggering x</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a little shorter than usual but I'm probably not going to be able to post until next week so hopefully ya'll will appreciate the double update.</p><p>Hope you are all good and staying safe x</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carrying Five in his arms, Diego entered the living room, he stopped in front of a couch in the corner and placed down the boy, before going over to his family, he covered his brother in a big, gray blanket. </p><p>In an unusual silence, his family was clearly scared, understandably so.</p><p>To them, Five had always been a pillar of strength, standing up for his own and for the people he loved. He had been there for each of them as kids, picking a fight with their father for causing them pain or sadness; not that they had been brave enough to stand up when it was Five in trouble. He had never held it against them though, he was wise beyond his years even when his body matched his age.</p><p>Seeing their brother now was like he was someone else entirely, it was suddenly not hard to see him as the kid that had been alone for 45 years and forced to murder just to catch a chance of saving them. </p><p>What had they done though, after he had run himself to the ground again and again, they had been in the way, caused him more inconvenience than help. It wasn't just fear in their eyes, it was guilt too.</p><p>Five could be a prick to deal with, he had a tendency to bite your head off if you even tried to disagree with him, not to mention trying to suggest that he needed to calm down. That being said, how much had any of them really tried to help? In trepidation of what he might have done, they did nothing at all.</p><p>It wasn't like they weren't aware of how shitty of a lifestyle Five had, he wouldn't eat, sleep or speak to them unless it was about another lead on stopping the apocalypse that wouldn't happen. They had accepted that the boy was just a little crazy and he would probably never change.</p><p>Why though, did he not deserve a normal life after everything he had been put through? Surely of all of them, he deserved it the most.</p><p>Their collective thoughts acknowledged themselves as the siblings all shared a look of 'well... fuck'.</p><p>"What the hell are we gonna do?" Klaus asked, almost rhetorically. What could they do? Their brother sure as hell wasn't going to make things easy.</p><p>"He's not going to let us tail him around at all times, someone will end up dead." Luther expressed, with a fair amount of reason.</p><p>"I honestly don't think he meant to do himself so much damage," Diego explained, trying not to reveal too much of what the boy had told him, Five wouldn't appreciate his confidence being broken. "He explained it kinda like a flashback or something, the apocalypse..."</p><p>They nodded, considering once more the awful world that had been glossed over in their minds as impossible, it had been very real to Five.</p><p>"When he scratched himself up in the bush it must have put his mind to it, PTSD, like I said." Klaus added, a sad glint in his eye. They wouldn't ask, the dog-tags said enough. "We know for sure that he shouldn't do any more gardening!"</p><p>Diego hummed, almost amused. Although, was gardening not a great thing to keep Five occupied? Maybe not tackling the hedge, but planting bulbs, nurturing life, watching it bloom; maybe the boy would learn a little about how to appreciate the moment.</p><p>"We could get him to help out with the more calming stuff in the garden, watering the vegetables and flowers, planting new things that he can choose and take care of, then at least we could get him outside and busy, whilst being able to keep an eye?" He proposed, it was a nice long term plan, but Diego was still stumped for how to get past the next few days. Five was fragile right now, likely humiliated and wanting to pull away from all of them.</p><p>That being said, he was also fast asleep on the couch, looking innocent and so damn small.</p><p>"I like it, Five needs to have a choice about it though." Vanya approved, eyes seemingly locked on her little brother, there was more guilt in her eyes than anyone else's, Five's apocalypse was caused by her after all. She tried not to think about it too much, now they had actually stopped it, she could spend this time making it up to the boy.</p><p>They came to an agreement that, for now they would keep a close eye on Five, at least until he's more physically able to look after himself, not that he would. After that they would see how he was coping, and if they needed to have a real intervention with him; all felt it was preferable that would be avoided.</p><p>Allison had left them to prepare dinner as it was getting fairly late, Vanya accompanied her, still anxious about the Five situation.</p><p>"We should take him upstairs, his room is still kinda messed up so he can take mine." Diego explained to Klaus and Luther, both nodding. </p><p>Luther carried Five, of course, picking him up like he weighed little more than a feather. Was that not true? When they had reached Diego's room, Klaus busied himself with finding the boy some more comfortable clothes for when he awoke. </p><p>He pulled a few pieces from Diego's and Allison's closets, a knitted black jumper and pair of sweatpants, respectively, nothing would be small enough for Five, but they would be comfortable. A distant universe from the academy uniforms.</p><p>"Here, for when he wakes up, he's probably not going to want to stay in those bloody clothes forever." Klaus placed the items at the foot of the bed, Five was now tucked under the covers and looking more relaxed than he'd ever been. </p><p>"I'll stay with him again," Diego explained, "Tell Allison I'll be down for dinner." He waved off his brothers. Once again it was just him and Five in the room, the quiet was oppressive, if his brother was in the room, it should be loud or manic. Not still and silent.</p><p>As much as he wished he had told his siblings how concern he was about Five, Diego didn't want to break the trust that had seemed to form between them. Akin to Five, he was a private person, he would definitely not appreciate his deeply guarded secrets being spread around the family. He had so much respect for the boy in front of him, but that couldn't stop him from once again being punched in the gut with worry.</p><p>What if Five had actually snapped, was he forevermore going to be a lifeless imitation of the boy he once was? It was a scary thought, though somehow real enough to bother him.</p><p>He was certain that getting Five back to his old, cynical, badass self was his top priority. </p><p>Whatever it took.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Park Bench</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Big warning on this one for suicidal thoughts and actions, blood, blades and just hella angst</p>
<p>Please be careful with this one folks x</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry it's been a while, work has been really draining me and I've had a rough few days. I'm hoping to update again early next week</p>
<p>I hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The door clicked shut, Five opened his eyes and sighed. The whole time Diego had been watching over him, the boy hadn't been resting at all; he couldn't.</p>
<p>He spotted a pile of clothes at the end of what he presumed was Diego's bed, they weren't his but offered more warmth and protection than the hospital robe he was currently wrapped up in. He changed, purposely ignoring the fact he was wearing his siblings clothes.</p>
<p>Shame and guilt burnt deep into his chest, his whole family was now caught up in his own stupid mistake, they would never let him be again, never let him leave the house alone.</p>
<p>Quickly, he realised that he was alone for the first time since it happened, he hadn't done much processing and didn't particularly want to. If anything, Five wanted to make the most of not being hounded by Diego or his other siblings, so he slipped out of the bedroom and into his own.</p>
<p>And immediately he wished he hadn't.</p>
<p>His room hadn't been touched, blood was dried covering the floor, a sharp metallic smell trapped in the air. Five gagged, losing his balance slightly, he gripped himself on the door frame and took a few moment to breathe. </p>
<p>In amongst the mess of his bedroom floor, he noticed a glint of metal, everything else became unimportant, he knelt down slowly observing the object in front of him with an edge of fear. </p>
<p>Five picked up the knife and pocketed it, maybe out of habit, maybe because his subconscious was telling him to. The blade was coated in a thin layer of dried blood, similarly to the rest of the room. He felt a disturbing amount of relief that he had control over life and death when armed.</p>
<p>Deciding he could find little good by staying in his bedroom, Five cracked open his window and climbed down the fire escape. The fresh air filled his lungs and calmed the thrumb of his heart against his chest. His wrists ached as his climbed down, leading him to wince every few steps, eventually his foot brushed against the ground so he dropped down landing on his feet.</p>
<p>Seeing that the coast was clear of siblings, he snuck out into the street, not sure where he was going. It felt strange not to be wearing his academy uniform, though at least without it, he stood a chance of blending in. </p>
<p>It seemed to work the trick as no one gave Five any strange looks, or asked him where his parents were; to his relief. </p>
<p>The sun was beginning to set in the distance, casting everything around him in an orange glow, it was too similar to the glow of flames he had lived alongside for so long, Five couldn't catch his breath.</p>
<p>Before he was even aware, the boy was running. He couldn't escape the fear bubbling inside of himself, however fast he went. He slowed his run to a jog and then stumbled into a walk, exhausted, he hadn't had that energy to waste. </p>
<p>In the distance he noticed a park bench, respite to his aching body. With the last of his energy he teleported over and collapsed down onto the rotting wooden slats that made up the bench. A few people who had been walking around the park threw the boy odd looks, though for the most part he was still blissfully unnoticed. </p>
<p>The knife in Five's pocket was jabbing against his thigh, reminding him of how he ended up on a random park bench in the middle of the city. He took it out of his pocket and observed it in the little amount of daylight that was left, it glinted somewhat, though it's gleam was tarnished by dried blood.</p>
<p>He wiped it off on the bottom of the jumper he was wearing, it left a few brown smears which he hoped would come out of the material in the wash. Once the blade was clean, Five noticed that it was shaking, or rather, his hand, holding the knife, was shaking. </p>
<p>In that moment he almost felt completely detached from reality, nothing around him was tangible and all he could feel was an intense aching in his chest, his vision was obscured momentarily and he realised it was because he was crying. Five didn't feel in control of himself at all.</p>
<p>When his eyes became clear once more, Five was no longer in the park, no longer seated on a bench. He was curled in on himself on the dusty floor, the orange-brown flecks of dirt coated his knees and back where he had been in the fetal position. Everything seemed to be coated in golden brown light, glowing almost.</p>
<p>Without context it almost looked beautiful, like a sunset on a warm summer's evening; it however, was not.</p>
<p>The world around him was burning, hot ash and smoke bellowed in the air, the buildings that had surrounded him moments before had crumbled to nothing but foundations and rubble. The boy tried to breathe but choked on the toxicity of the atmosphere, he collapsed back to the ground, grief stricken.</p>
<p>Taking a moment to accept the reality he was in, Five shook his head in disbelief, the apocalypse would always catch up with him someway or another. The tiniest thing left him gripping onto reality was the knife tight in his fist, the blade was partially embedded into his finger, not that he had even noticed. </p>
<p>The boy pushed himself up into a sitting position, too weak and beaten down to get up completely, he continued to gaze and the knife, passing it between his hands. It weighed nothing, but the severity of it's possibilities made it feel ten times as heavy. </p>
<p>How easy it would be to let it slip down his sleeve and never have to see the planet burn or his siblings dead stares again.</p>
<p>Too easy.</p>
<p>Five was hyperventilating once more, confused and scared, nothing of the last 48 hours was making sense in his brain and the unreality around him didn't add into the equation, it was too much, he felt fuzzy as his breathing once again quickened, like his hands were full of electricity and his brain was being shocked.</p>
<p>In his vision, only the knife was clear to see, like an answer from greater powers, a solution.</p>
<p>Without much more hesitation, Five yanked back his sleeve and brought the knife parallel with his artery, pressing the blade down but not with enough force to pierce his skin.</p>
<p>The boy closed his eyes, seeing calm and darkness, peace from the awful place his brain had taken him to.</p>
<p>First, he thought about his family, how hard they were to save, how they never would know how much he loved them all. </p>
<p>Then, the people he had hurt, who had died because of him, he fumed at himself, without a smidge of self-forgiveness, they had been innocent for the most part, some children. He was a monster.</p>
<p>Finally, he thought the world without him. It would be right again, he didn't belong in 2019, he didn't belong anywhere but the apocalypse or in the nothingness of death.</p>
<p>Five had made his decision.</p>
<p>He pressed down a little harder.</p>
<p>"Five, put the knife down, please!" </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Lost and Found</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey, sorry for a kinda late update, work and life has been a bit full on recently, I will definitely finish this though so don't worry about that! </p><p>either way, do be careful with this chapter, TRIGGER WARNINGS for suicide attempt, wounds, blood and being overall, pretty sad.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dinner had been tense, no one able to find any other topics of conversation but the Five situation. Diego had mentioned that the boy's room needs cleaning urgently, which Allison and Vanya had volunteered to sort out.</p><p>By the end of the meal, Diego had more or less put down his fork and bolted straight upstairs, anxious about leaving Five on his own for too long.</p><p>It was colder upstairs than it had been before, a feeling of dread ran through Diego's chest as he noticed the draft was coming from the boy's room. The door was wide open, blood on the floor still caked and vile to look at, he looked up to see the window at the other side of the room, open enough to get in or out of.</p><p>Diego's heart was pounding by now, the room was empty other than that, he bolted out and into his own room where Five should've been. The duvet was crumpled at the end of the bed and the clothes Klaus had placed there were gone.</p><p>Five was gone too.</p><p>"Fuck." He cursed, running a hand through his hair, what the hell had happened in the short amount of time he'd been gone. Five had been asleep, or at least Diego thought he had.</p><p>He rushed back down to the family and explained that their little brother was missing, having left out of his bedroom window. </p><p>"What?" Vanya asked, partly on the behalf of everyone else in the room, "I thought Five was asleep?"</p><p>"Clearly not anymore!" Diego snapped, wanting to get outside and find his brother more than anything. "I'm going to track him down, Klaus you're with me."</p><p>Klaus nodded and started putting on his shoes with urgency, Diego, who was already wearing his, waited impatiently at the front door; the stress of the last few days finally kicking in.</p><p>For all they knew, Five could be fine, he could have gone out for some air or to find his mannequin wife, though of course he could be doing something much, much worse. That's what scared Diego.</p><p>Klaus followed him out of the front door, looking around and definitely not seeing their brother. The streets weren't particularly busy but the sun was quickly going down which worsened their chances of finding Five. Upon reaching the end of their road, the pair decided to split up and call eachother if they found anything.</p><p>Heading off towards the big park that they had occasionally visited as kids, Diego was on high alert. To passerbys he looked extremely suspicious, belt full of knives and looking around like he could attack someone, people were right to fear Diego, especially when one of his siblings was at risk.</p><p>The main problem wasn't so much protecting Five from others, the boy could handle himself in that sense, it was trying to protect him from himself. That required reason and trying to think like a 58 year old assassin with no self-care or preservation.</p><p>The park wasn't huge so on a quick look around, Diego spotted the small form of his little brother. His heart skipped a beat as he almost ran towards the boy, from a distance all he could see was that Five was hunched in on himself; as he got closer, he sped up, realizing what he was doing.</p><p>Five had a knife, not only on his person but positioned on his wrist. The boy didn't look up when Diego approached him, his eyes fixed on his forearms, he looked like his brain wasn't connected with reality.</p><p>"Five, put the knife down, please!" Diego shouted, in that second said knife was dug deep into the boy's forearm. Time seemed to slow down as he ripped the knife out of Five's grasp and held a tight grip on his arm. "Holy shit!"</p><p>Blood seemed to seep everywhere, however tightly he wrapped his hand around Five's wrist, the boy himself wasn't responding in anyway to Diego's presence, just staring down at his lap, eye's glossed over. He couldn't deal with this situation alone, the amount of blood was very concerning.</p><p>He managed to grab his phone out of his pocket after throwing the knife aside, dialing Klaus' number. As the line connected Diego stuttered out where he was and to call the family to bring the car, his brother agreed and the line went dead.</p><p>Now all he could do was wait and try and get the bleeding under control.</p><p>-</p><p>They manoeuvred Five into the car, all too shocked to even speak, Vanya had brought along a first aid kit from the infirmary and was trying her best to stitch up the boy's arm with shaking hands. Diego was beside them in the back seat, trying not to break down entirely before he knew his brother was definitely going to be physically alright. Thankfully, although he had lost a lot of blood, the pressure Diego had applied to the wound had helped lessen the damage.</p><p>Five was barely conscious, he still hadn't spoken or even really reacted at all to the situation, his blank gaze scaring them all. In a weird way they wanted him to lash out, threaten murder or out smart them, because as annoying as that could be, it was better than the unnerving silence of his dissociative state.</p><p>By now they had all piled into the car, Luther at the wheel and Allison riding shotgun, they drove fast, although carefully, not wanting to made the ride too bumpy whilst their sister was giving Five stitches in the back. </p><p>Klaus was sat in the seats furthest back, watching over the Boy from behind, his heart was broken, beside him he could hear Ben occasionally sniffing as if he was crying, he couldn't bring himself to check being so distraught; this had shaken them all.</p><p>The first time had been a hard pill to swallow, the strong person they had all known being reduced to a shell of themself, this was entirely different though, this time he hadn't accidentally hurt himself too much, he had tried to take his own life. Just the concept brought bile to the back of Klaus' throat, they had only just got Five back, he had suffered for so long, and now when he had the chance to settle down and try and pick his life back up, the trauma from his past became too much.</p><p>Life was a cruel joke for the Hargreeves.</p><p>When they eventually pulled up to the curb and climbed out, they spoke in hushed tones, almost awkwardly not knowing what to do next. Five was for sure not okay, but no one knew what was going on in his mind, or how to get him back to the person he once was. </p><p>"We'll take him to the infirmary, can someone get his room cleaned up?" Diego asked, the boy in his arms, Klaus and Vanya by his side. "Also please check for weapons or knives, we can't trust him not to try something right now."</p><p>Luther agreed to clean up the room whilst Allison fetched fresh sheets and searched the entire space for anything Five could use to hurt himself. There turned out to be so many more items than she could have ever expected, accumulated over such a short period; the pit of guilt over being blind to this Five situation seemed to nag at her chest.</p><p>Downstairs, Diego was checking Five over to make sure he hadn't hurt himself anywhere else, they had given him blood and he finally seemed to slip into unconscious, although less worryingly than before. The boy needed rest, more than anything else, his body had been through so much strain for the last few days, not to mention without eating anything and having less than satisfactory sleep.</p><p>He looked young and frail, curled in on himself on the infirmary bed, Diego hated that so much. He felt powerless in that moment, although they could try so much to help their little brother, if he wanted to accept their help wasn't their decision to make. Five had never been one to seek advice from others, always a lone wolf of sorts, not surprising that he managed so well to stay sane after being alone in the apocalypse, he was used to sorting things out himself. </p><p>He refused to let Five deal with this alone, he never had to do that again as long as Diego was there.</p><p>"Klaus could you find something for him to wear?" He asked, noting how the fresh clothes that they had grabbed for him less than 3 hours ago were already coated in blood and grime. </p><p>"Yeah, sure." Klaus replied, heading out of the room without another word, that left only Vanya and Diego in the room with Five, they didn't speak, both sat vigil at their little brother's bedside. </p><p>Diego held the boy's hand, running a callused thumb over Five's slightly bruised knuckles. The arm which he'd hurt was wrapped up tightly in white bandages, though he could see the beginnings of blood starting to seep through, he made a mental note to change them in a while.</p><p>Finally the silence was broken by soft sobs from Vanya, understandably so, she had been close with Five when they were growing up, he had shown her respect and treated her no differently than anyone else, losing him the first time had taken it's toll on her. </p><p>The first day after Five had disappeared, nobody considered the fact that he might not come back, they were thirteen and naive. It had been the first week when they stopped considering him coming back at all, they all thought he'd found himself a better family to live with and he was done with the academy. How wrong they'd been. Not Vanya though, she hadn't given up on him until she herself left the academy, Diego sometimes wondered if it was that hope for Five's return that kept her around all those years. </p><p>Vanya had started petting at Five's hair, it was unwashed and slightly matted with blood but the look of care in her eyes showed how little she minded about that. He wasn't sure how to comfort his sister, too distraught over the situation himself, he had been the one to find the boy after all.</p><p>The moment of that discovery kept playing over and over in Diego's head, he had barely any time to react and just moved on instinct, thank goodness he had. The glazed look in Five's eyes had been terrifying, so far from the usual manic, caffeinated glare, the seeming lack of care for what the boy had been doing to himself; he would remember that for a long while.</p><p>A faint murmur that Diego had put down to Vanya's quiet tears, started getting louder, more like words. The noises, he then realised, were coming from Five, he sounded scared, calling in a whisper for his siblings, then apologising over and over.</p><p>It took everything in Diego not to shake his brother awake and envelop him in a hug, though he knew what the boy felt about human contact, so stayed at a distance and gripped onto Five's hand like the world depended on it. </p><p>After all, it quite usually did.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
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